just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
