The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
