my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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