I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
