So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
