I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
