remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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