I understand Curling. That high.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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