my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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