do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
