I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
