Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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