Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
