This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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