we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i think my cat just said my name.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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