Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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