hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
