exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
