I have demons in me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize