its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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