I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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