yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
