Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
