And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
