I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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