hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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