You really coming over, don't trick.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize