pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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