just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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