she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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