I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
