i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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