What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
