wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
