Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
