If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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