Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
