and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
