We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
