Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
