halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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