there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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