If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
50% drunk capacity currently
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
