Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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