Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
