Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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