I just pynch a tree in the face
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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