all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
