I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
