there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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