i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
