Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i've created a new STD.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
