can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
