Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
