Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
