i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
