i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize