Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
