so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
