We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
where does the pee come out of this thing
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Houston, we have a blender
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
