the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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